The right words

The right words are not coming.

Words are being typed on the page, but they do not come close to what is needed, what I am desperate to get out.

It’s been too long, and I’m more than a little rusty. I’m frozen and stiff. Rigor mortis crept up on me. It’s been a slow death. Of course, had it happened quickly, I would have sought lifesaving procedures. As it is, it was barely noticed.

 In the deep recesses I knew what was happening. But I was busy. Yes. Busy with distractions.

There I go again. Placing the blame on others. Always seeking to justify myself. And so I repent. Then comes the guilt and the shame and the condemnation. Anything it seems but productivity. No. That’s not true. I’ve kept up with obligations. I’ve produced. But it has not always been in the things, the things that matter. And now...I’m out of practice...It’s been so long since I’ve written the right words that they escape me when I face the stark page.

I am desperate to share that my heart is coming alive again. That I am coming out of the fog, breaking out of the box, and shattering the darkness with light. But... I’m out of practice. The right words are not coming. And I’m using the same trite and inadequate words again.
I haven’t wanted to force myself to do this...get back into the battle.

The battle is hard. It’s work and I’ve got other assignments screaming at me in my head. The battle is bloody. It hurts. If I don’t engage, blot it out of my mind as even being blood is shed.

But what then can you do when your heart is bringing back the deep desires...longings that do not go away...even when you try to hide them, bury them? What happens when your heart remembers?

It’s coming close to 15 years now. When this whole thing began. When I took up more than just a future spot in eternity. It’s when I took up a crown in the kingdom of God and stepped into my proper place as a subduer and ruler of the earth. (Genesis 1:28)

During that time, I have more than once listened to the lies of the enemy and abdicated my throne. But Jesus is giving me my full heart back again. He is binding up my broken heart. Reminding me of who I am in Christ and what my heart truly desires. Reminding me that the enemy ultimately loses his reign on this earth.

The devil knows it and he is angry. The enemy is threatened by those who take up the sword of the Spirit and wield it proudly. And rightly so. He should be. We will reign with Christ. Fully restored. Glorified.

You have made them to be kings and priests to our God, and they will reign upon the earth. Revelation 5:10

I do not have the right words today. I am out of practice. But God does and always has. He has placed many commands and encouragements on my heart throughout our time together. I will do well to remember those right words He has spoken and continues to speak.

Expose the evil deeds of darkness. (Ephesians 5:11)

You are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand so that you would walk in them. (Ephesians 2:10)

Enlighten the eyes of the hearts. Lift the veil. Expose the truth. (Ephesians 1:18)

The Sovereign LORD has given you an instructed tongue to know the word that sustains the weary. (Isaiah 50:4)

I have made you a watchman for the people of Israel. (Ezekiel 3:17)

Zeal for My house will consume you. (John 2:17)

Do not be afraid of them. Remember the Lord, who is great and awesome, and fight. (Nehemiah 4:14)

Make the most of your time because the days are evil. (Ephesians 5:16)

Cease striving and know that I am God. (Psalm 46:10)

The Lord is your Shepherd. You have all that you need. (Psalm 23:1)

Listen to Me, and eat what is good. Delight yourself in abundance. (Isaiah 55:2)

Put on the full armor of God, so that you will be able to stand firm against the schemes of the devil. (Ephesians 6:11)

I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit in you; I will remove from you your heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh. (Ezekiel 36:26)

The truth will set you free. (John 8:32)

The thief comes to steal, kill, and destroy. I came to give you life, abundant life. (John 10:10)

I am doing a great work and I cannot come down. Why should the work stop while I leave it and come down to you? (Nehemiah 6:3)

“Show your face,” He whispers.

“Follow that guy!” He proclaims.

“Remember the vision,” He reminds me.